marriage and family life

He has noted the question you had asked concerning the problem of marriage, and its infrequency among the believers in general. It is indeed a matter of deep regret to him that some of our young believers do not attach due importance to the question of marriage, and seem, as you state, to be under the impression that marital life has been discouraged in the Cause. This is certainly an erroneous conception, and whosoever takes the pain to carefully and intelligently read the words of Bahá'u'lláh, and to ponder over their implications, cannot but be convinced of the truth that in the Bahá'í Faith marriage, and family life, in particular, are both not only commendable, but constitute a social function of highest and indeed vital importance, as through them alone the human race is perpetuated.

The believers should well know that whereas Bahá'u'lláh has not made marriage a binding obligation, He has nevertheless attributed to it such spiritual and social significance as no individual believer, under normal circumstances, can well be justified in disregarding it. In fact, in His Book of Laws (the "Kitáb-i-Aqdas") He emphatically stresses its importance, and defines its essential purpose, namely the procreation of children and their training in the Religion of God, that they may know and adore Him, and mention and praise His Name. 

(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer, dated 17 February 1940; The Compilation of Compilations, vol. I, Preserving Baha’i Marriages)

marriage and family life

…it behooveth man, upon reaching the age of nineteen, to render thanksgiving for the day of his conception as an embryo. For had the embryo not existed, how could he have reached his present state? 

(The Báb, from Persian Bayan; ‘Selections from the Writings of the Báb)

marriage and family life

Much of what distinguishes African life is to be found in patterns of behaviour displayed in the tribe and particularly in the family. Increasingly, urban life threatens to destroy the positive qualities of such patterns. Since change is inevitable if progress is to be made by any African society, a primary challenge to Bahá'ís is to preserve and improve those wholesome aspects of tribal and family custom that are in accord with the Bahá'í Teachings and to dispense with those that are not. Such a challenge must be embraced with the understanding that the Book of God is the standard by which to weigh all forms of behaviour. While unwavering action is necessary, wisdom and tact and patience must, of course, be exercised. Let it be understood, too, that Africans are not alone in the struggle to change certain age-old practices. People everywhere have customs which must be abandoned so as to clear the path along which their societies must evolve towards that glorious, new civilization which is to be the fruit of Bahá'u'lláh's stupendous Revelation. Indeed, in no society on earth can there be found practices which adequately mirror the standards of His Cause. His own truth-bearing Words clarify the matter: "The summons and the message which We gave were never intended to reach or to benefit one land or one people only. Mankind in its entirety must firmly adhere to whatsoever hath been revealed and vouchsafed unto it. Then and only then will it attain unto true liberty. The whole earth is illuminated with the resplendent glory of God's Revelation." 

(The Universal House of Justice, Ridván 1996 message to the Bahá'ís of Africa; a compilation on ‘Traditional Aspects of African Culture’, prepared by the Research Department of the Universal House of Justice, 1998)

marriage and family life

 ... the validity of a Bahá'í marriage is conditioned upon the consent of the two parties and their parents only. So that in case the other members of your family show any dislike or opposition to your sister's union with ....., their approval does under no circumstances invalidate it. Your parents' approval would be sufficient, even through all the rest of your family may violently oppose it. 

(From a letter dated 31 March 1937 written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer; compilation ‘Consent of Parents to Marriage’, prepared by the Research Department of the Universal House of Justice)

marriage and family life

Let the mothers consider that whatever concerneth the education of children is of the first importance. Let them put forth every effort in this regard, for when the bough is green and tender it will grow in whatever way ye train it. Therefore is it incumbent upon the mothers to rear their little ones even as a gardener tendeth his young plants. Let them strive by day and by night to establish within their children faith and certitude, the fear of God, the love of the Beloved of the worlds, and all good qualities and traits. Whensoever a mother seeth that her child hath done well, let her praise and applaud him and cheer his heart; and if the slightest undesirable trait should manifest itself, let her counsel the child and punish him, and use means based on reason, even a slight verbal chastisement should this be necessary. It is not, however, permissible to strike a child, or vilify him, for the child's character will be totally perverted if he be subjected to blows or verbal abuse. 

(‘Abdu’l-Baha, ‘Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Bahá’; The Compilation of Compilations, vol. I, Baha’i Education)

marriage and family life

It hath been laid down in the Bayán that marriage is dependent upon the consent of both parties. Desiring to establish love, unity and harmony amidst Our servants, We have conditioned it, once the couple’s wish is known, upon the permission of their parents, lest enmity and rancour should arise amongst them. And in this We have yet other purposes. Thus hath Our commandment been ordained. 

(Baha’u’llah, ‘The Kitab-i-Aqdas’)

marriage and family life

Bahá'í teachings on sexual morality centre on marriage and the family as the bedrock of the whole structure of human society and are designed to protect and strengthen that divine institution. Thus Bahá'í law restricts permissible sexual intercourse to that between a man and the woman to whom he is married. 

(From a letter dated 14 March 1973 written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer)

marriage and family life

The new child which will soon be given to you by God is, indeed, a divine blessing, of which you should feel proud, and of the manifold responsibilities and obligations which it necessarily entails you should become fully aware. It is now that you can truly say that you have a family life. Without a child there can be no family, and through him the bonds of love and of service can be truly and strongly maintained between the wife and husband. 

(From a letter dated 4 November 1933 written on behalf of the Guardian; Compilation on “The Naming of Babies”, prepared by the Research Department of the Universal House of Justice)

marriage and family life

Also a father and mother endure the greatest troubles and hardships for their children; and often when the children have reached the age of maturity, the parents pass on to the other world. Rarely does it happen that a father and mother in this world see the reward of the care and trouble they have undergone for their children. Therefore, children, in return for this care and trouble, must show forth charity and beneficence, and must implore pardon and forgiveness for their parents. So you ought, in return for the love and kindness shown you by your father, to give to the poor for his sake, with greatest submission and humility implore pardon and remission of sins, and ask for the supreme mercy. 

(‘Abdu’l-Baha, ‘Some Answered Questions’; The Compilation of Compilations, Vol. I, Family Life)

marriage and family life

The pious deeds of the monks and priests among the followers of the Spirit [Jesus] -- upon Him be the peace of God -- are remembered in His presence. In this Day, however, let them give up the life of seclusion and direct their steps towards the open world and busy themselves with that which will profit themselves and others. We have granted them leave to enter into wedlock that they may bring forth one who will make mention of God, the Lord of the seen and the unseen, the Lord of the Exalted Throne. 

(Baha’u’llah, ‘Tablets of Baha’u’llah revealed after the Kitab-i-Aqdas’)

marriage and family life

 With reference to your question about Baha’i marriage, there is nothing in the Writings to indicate or imply that Baha’i marriage is open only to those who are physically able to have children. The bearing of children is but one of the purposes of marriage, albeit the primary one. The consummation of marriage by a couple is an intimate and private matter outside the scrutiny of others. While consummation normally implies a sexual relationship, the Baha’i law requiring consummation to take place within twenty-four hours of the wedding ceremony can be considered fulfilled if the couple has commenced cohabitation with the intention of establishing the family relationship. 

(From a letter dated 14 February 1984 written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer; published in Baha’i Studies Bulletin, 3.4, December 1995)

marriage and family life

Of course, under normal circumstances, every person should consider it his moral duty to marry. And this is what Baha'u'llah has encouraged the believers to do. But marriage is by no means an obligation. In the last resort it is for the individual to decide whether he wishes to lead a family life or live in a state of celibacy. 

(Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated May 3, 1936, to an individual believer; compilation ‘Baha’i Marriage and Family Life’)

marriage and family life

Regarding the question of matrimony: Know thou that the command of marriage is eternal. It will never be changed nor altered. This is divine creation and there is not the slightest possibility that change or alteration affect this divine creation (marriage). 

(‘Abdu'l-Baha, Tablets of ‘Abdu'l-Baha vol. 2)

marriage and family life

And when He[God] desired to manifest grace and beneficence to men, and to set the world in order, He revealed observances and created laws; among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a fortress for well-being and salvation, and enjoined it upon us in that which was sent down out of the heaven of sanctity in His Most Holy Book. He saith, great is His glory: "Marry, O people, that from you may appear he who will remember Me amongst My servants; this is one of My commandments unto you; obey it as an assistance to yourselves." 

(Baha’u’llah, Compilations, ‘Baha'i Prayers’)

courtesy & consideration

By God! This is the Day wherein the undying Fire crieth out from within all created things: “The Best-Beloved of the worlds is come!” And before all things there standeth a Moses, hearkening to the Word of thy Lord, the Almighty, the All-Knowing. Were We to divest Ourself of the mortal raiment which We have worn in consideration of your weakness, all that are in heaven and on earth would offer up their souls for My sake. To this thy Lord Himself doth testify. None, however, can perceive it save those who have detached themselves from all things for love of their Lord, the Almighty, the Most Powerful. 

(Baha’u’llah, Súriy-i-Ra’ís, Tablet addressed to ‘Álí Páshá, the Ottoman Prime Minister, ‘The Summons of the Lord of Hosts’)

courtesy & consideration

O ye believers of God! Divine teachings are conducive to eternal life, the cause of the illumination of the world of humanity, the means of peace and conciliation, love and salvation, the basis of fellowship, uprightness and friendship in the world of creation, and the instrument of unity and accord, solidarity and interdependence amongst the individuals of the body politic. Consequently you must lay the foundation of this structure in this mortal world; thus you may confer upon it infinite and abundant life and become the source of the enlightenment of the world of existence. It is incumbent upon you to consort with all the nations and people of the world with the utmost love and kindness, and show affection, justice, assistance, consideration and courtesy to all the different communities and sects. Become ye a remedy to every pain, a balsam of healing and recovery to every wound, to every weak one become ye a support and aid and succor every one that is poor. Become ye to the fearful ones the impregnable cave of safety and to the agitated ones a sure asylum. 

(‘Abdu’l-Baha, ‘Baha'i Scriptures’)

courtesy & consideration

We, verily, have chosen courtesy, and made it the true mark of such as are nigh unto Him. Courtesy is, in truth, a raiment which fitteth all men, whether young or old. Well is it with him that adorneth his temple therewith, and woe unto him who is deprived of this great bounty. 

(Baha’u’llah, ‘Epistle to the Son of the Wolf’)

courtesy & consideration

…the House of Justice points out that parents are responsible for their children and should make them behave when they attend Baha'i meetings. If children persist in creating a disturbance they should be taken out of the meeting. This is not merely necessary to ensure the properly dignified conduct of Baha'I meetings but is an aspect of the training of children in courtesy, consideration for others, reverence, and obedience to their parents. 

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of Canada, October 14, 1982; compilation: ‘Lights of Guidance’)

courtesy & consideration

John Eichenauer: the youngest 
pioneer as of 1939

The believers, especially the young ones, should always remember that the first thing the non-Bahá'ís are going to notice in us is our character; therefore, the highest standard of moral conduct and courtesy should be shown forth by the youth, in order to attract the hearts of other people, and, through arousing their admiration, create in them a desire to know more about our beloved Faith, and eventually to arise to serve it. 

(From a letter dated 31 May 1957 written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, ‘The Light of Divine Guidance vol. II’) 

courtesy & consideration

The Blessed Beauty saith: 'Ye are all the fruits of one tree, the leaves of one branch.' Thus hath He likened this world of being to a single tree, and all its peoples to the leaves thereof, and the blossoms and fruits. It is needful for the bough to blossom, and leaf and fruit to flourish, and upon the interconnection of all parts of the world-tree, dependeth the flourishing of leaf and blossom, and the sweetness of the fruit.

For this reason must all human beings powerfully sustain one another and seek for everlasting life; and for this reason must the lovers of God in this contingent world become the mercies and the blessings sent forth by that clement King of the seen and unseen realms. Let them purify their sight and behold all humankind as leaves and blossoms and fruits of the tree of being. Let them at all times concern themselves with doing a kindly thing for one of their fellows, offering to someone love, consideration, thoughtful help. Let them see no one as their enemy, or as wishing them ill, but think of all humankind as their friends; regarding the alien as an intimate, the stranger as a companion, staying free of prejudice, drawing no lines. 

(Abdu'l-Baha, ‘Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha’)

courtesy & consideration

Say: Let truthfulness and courtesy be your adorning. Suffer not yourselves to be deprived of the robe of forbearance and justice, that the sweet savors of holiness may be wafted from your hearts upon all created things. Say: Beware, O people of Bahá, lest ye walk in the ways of them whose words differ from their deeds. Strive that ye may be enabled to manifest to the peoples of the earth the signs of God, and to mirror forth His commandments.... 

(Baha’u’llah, ‘Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá'u'lláh’; The Compilation of Compilations, Vol. II, Trustworthiness)

courtesy & consideration

The responsibility of the Baha'is to teach the Faith is very great. The contraction of the world and the onward rush of events require us to seize every chance open to us to touch the hearts and minds of our fellow men. The Message of Baha'u'llah is God's guidance for mankind to overcome the difficulties of this age of transition and move forward into the next stage of its evolution, and human beings have the right to hear it. Those who accept it incur the duty of passing it on to their fellowmen. The slowness of the response of the world has caused and is causing great suffering; hence the historical pressure upon Baha'is to exert every effort to teach the Faith for the sake of their fellow men. They should teach with enthusiasm, conviction, wisdom and courtesy, but without pressing their hearer, bearing in mind the words of Baha'u'llah 'Beware lest ye contend with anyone, nay, strive to make him aware of the truth with kindly manner and most convincing exhortation. If your hearer respond, he will have responded to his own behoof, and if not, turn ye away from him, and set your face towards God's sacred Court, the seat of resplendent holiness,' 

(Extract from "Statement of the Universal House of Justice Regarding Teaching the Faith"; compilation: Lights of Guidance’)

courtesy & consideration

Spiritual Assembly of Ishqabad 1990

Now with reference to your last dear letter in which you had asked whether the believers have the right to openly express their criticism of any Assembly action or policy: it is not only the right, but the vital responsibility of every loyal and intelligent member of the Community to offer fully and frankly, but with due respect and consideration to the authority of the Assembly, any suggestion, recommendation or criticism he conscientiously feels he should in order to improve and remedy certain existing conditions or trends in his local community, and it is the duty of the Assembly also to give careful consideration to any such views submitted to them by any one of the believers. The best occasion chosen for this purpose is the Nineteen Day Feast, which, besides its social and spiritual aspects, fulfils various administrative needs and requirements of the Community, chief among them being the need for open and constructive criticism and deliberation regarding the state of affairs within the local Bahá'í Community. But again it should be stressed that all criticisms and discussions of a negative character which result in undermining the authority of the Assembly as a body should be strictly avoided. For otherwise the order of the Cause itself will be endangered, and confusion and discord will reign in the Community. 

(From a letter dated 13 December 1939 written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer; The Compilation of Compilations, vol. III, Issues Concerning Community Functioning)

courtesy & consideration

Briefly, it is not only their fellow human beings that the beloved of God must treat with mercy and compassion, rather must they show forth the utmost loving-kindness to every living creature. For in all physical respects, and where the animal spirit is concerned, the selfsame feelings are shared by animal and man. Man hath not grasped this truth, however, and he believeth that physical sensations are confined to human beings, wherefore is he unjust to the animals, and cruel.

And yet in truth, what difference is there when it cometh to physical sensations? The feelings are one and the same, whether ye inflict pain on man or on beast. There is no difference here whatever. And indeed ye do worse to harm an animal, for man hath a language, he can lodge a complaint, he can cry out and moan; if injured he can have recourse to the authorities and these will protect him from his aggressor. But the hapless beast is mute, able neither to express its hurt nor take its case to the authorities. If a man inflicts a thousand ills upon a beast, it can neither ward him off with speech nor hale him into court. Therefore is it essential that ye show forth the utmost consideration to the animal, and that ye be even kinder to him than to your fellow-man. 

(‘Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Baha; The Compilation of Compilations, vol. I, Conservation of the Earth's Resources)

courtesy & consideration

O people of God! I admonish you to observe courtesy, for above all else it is the prince of virtues. Well is it with him who is illumined with the light of courtesy and is attired with the vesture of uprightness. Whoso is endued with courtesy hath indeed attained a sublime station. It is hoped that this Wronged One and everyone else may be enabled to acquire it, hold fast unto it, observe it, and fix our gaze upon it. This is a binding command which hath streamed forth from the Pen of the Most Great Name. 

(Baha’u’llah, ‘Tablets of Baha’u’llah revealed after the Kitab-i-Aqdas’)

courtesy & consideration

When an individual becomes a Baha'i he acquires, as you are aware, a wider loyalty to the Manifestations of God. Having found this new way of life, he should be careful not to isolate himself from his family and his people, and he should show respect for his former religion. The Baha'is should, of course, avoid performing any acts which could be considered as implying their membership in another religion or which are contrary to Baha'i principles. 

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of Malaysia, May 26, 1982; compilation: ‘Lights of Guidance’)

courtesy & consideration

With the passing of Bahá'u'lláh and the fierce onslaught of the forces of disruption that followed in its wake, the Greatest Holy Leaf, now in the hey-day of her life, rose to the height of her great opportunity and acquitted herself worthily of her task. It would take me beyond the compass of the tribute I am moved to pay to her memory were I to dwell upon the incessant machinations to which Muhammad-'Ali, the arch-breaker of the Covenant of Bahá'u'lláh, and his despicable supporters basely resorted, upon the agitation which their cleverly-directed campaign of misrepresentation and calumny produced in quarters directly connected with Sultan Abdu'l-Hamid and his advisers, upon the trials and investigations to which it gave rise, upon the rigidity of the incarceration it reimposed, and upon the perils it revived. Suffice it to say that but for her sleepless vigilance, her tact, her courtesy, her extreme patience and heroic fortitude, grave complications might have ensued and the load of 'Abdu'l-Bahá's anxious care would have been considerably increased. 

(Shoghi Effendi, ‘Baha'i Administration’)

courtesy & consideration

If thou wouldst show kindness and consideration to thy parents so that they may feel generally pleased, this would also please Me, for parents must be highly respected and it is essential that they should feel contented, provided they deter thee not from gaining access to the Threshold of the Almighty, nor keep thee back from walking in the way of the Kingdom. Indeed it behoveth them to encourage and spur thee on in this direction. 

(‘Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet; The Compilation of Compilations, Vol. I, Family Life)

courtesy & consideration

Baha’u’llah’s shawl and comb

This Youth hath ever been disinclined to breathe a word contrary to courtesy, for courtesy is Our raiment, wherewith We have adorned the temples of Our well-favoured servants. Otherwise, some of the deeds that ye believe to be concealed would have been divulged in this Tablet. 

(Baha'u'llah, The Summons of the Lord of Hosts)

courtesy & consideration

Courtesy, reverence, dignity, respect for the rank and achievements of others are virtues which contribute to the harmony and well-being of every community, but pride and self-aggrandisement are among the most deadly of sins.

The House of Justice hopes that all the friends will remember that the ultimate aim in life of every soul should be to attain spiritual excellence - to win the good pleasure of God. The true spiritual station of any soul is known only to God. It is quite a different thing from the ranks and stations that men and women occupy in the various sectors of society. Whoever has his eyes fixed on the goal of attaining the good pleasure of God will accept with joy and radiant acquiescence whatever work or station is assigned to him in the Cause of God, and will rejoice to serve Him under all conditions.

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to all National Spiritual Assemblies, March 27, 1978; compilation: Lights of Guidance)

courtesy & consideration

The second condition: They [members of the assembly] must when coming together turn their faces to the Kingdom on High and ask aid from the Realm of Glory. They must then proceed with the utmost devotion, courtesy, dignity, care and moderation to express their views. They must in every matter search out the truth and not insist upon their own opinion, for stubbornness and persistence in one's views will lead ultimately to discord and wrangling and the truth will remain hidden. The honoured members must with all freedom express their own thoughts, and it is in no wise permissible for one to belittle the thought of another, nay, he must with moderation set forth the truth, and should differences of opinion arise a majority of voices must prevail, and all must obey and submit to the majority. 

('Abdu'l-Bahá, cited in Shoghi Effendi, ‘Bahá'í Administration: Selected Messages 1922-1932’; The Compilation of Compilations, vol. III, The National Convention)